You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
