you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
