apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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