their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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