Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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