every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
