Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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