I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
