did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
