Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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