you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
