Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
