what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Randomize
