Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
