I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
