There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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