Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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