You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
