As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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