What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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