3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
