Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
