Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
