I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
