OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
