Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
