No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
