Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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