she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
