Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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