How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
