How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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