You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
