My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
