so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
