The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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