loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
