eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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