he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
