what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
