a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
