I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
