She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
