all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize