I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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