if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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