I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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