I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
