why didn't you poke me back
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
