also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
