I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pooping to opera.
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