You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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