theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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