I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize