I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
