Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
