he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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