I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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