he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
