I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
