we have officially lost it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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